Project The British Are Coming
by Mrs Prongs Mrs Padfoot
Summary: CHAPTER TEN UP - COMPLETE Some people have cupid to get them together. Unfortunately for Lily and James, the odd team of a werewolf, an idiot, and - well - PETER - will have to do.
1. Chapter One

Project The British Are Coming

Chapter One

By Mrs Padfoot

Disclaimer: Not mine.  Need I say more?

**

            "James."

            "James."

            "JAMES."

            Once, a slight nudge would have been all that Sirius Black would need to get his best friend's attention.  With a simple touch, James would turn to him, grinning, and ask him what was going on.  But as time went on, James was getting worse and worse about listening to him.  And so, Sirius Black was forced to resort to more . . . pressing ways of getting his best friend's attention.

            "JAMES POTTER, LISTEN TO ME!"

            "Huh . . . Padfoot . . . wha?"

            "I need your attention," said Sirius, grinning.

            "Why?"

            "See those two girls over there?" Sirius pointed in the general direction of two girls sipping their own butterbeers at another table.

            "Yeah, so?"

            "I like that one," Sirius grinned, "she's cute.  But I was wondering if I could . . . err . . . you know, pawn the other one off on you?"

            "Yeah, whatever," said James vaguely.

            "Prongs, are you even listening to me?"

            "'Course," said James, waving Sirius away.

            "PRONGSIE, PAY ATTENTION!"

            "Mmhmm," said James.

            Sirius leaned back in his chair, annoyed.

            "He's not paying any attention to me, Moony," complained Sirius.

            "He's not paying any attention to anyone, Padfoot," sighed Remus.  "Except, of course, for the dream girl."

            "Who?"

            "The dream girl," repeated Remus.

            "Who's that?"

            "Don't tell me you don't know," said Remus, gesturing across the Three Broomsticks at a girl.

            "LILY EVANS?"

            "Did someone say Lily?" asked James suddenly, snapping back to attention.

            "No," said Remus.

            "Oh," said James, obvious disappointed.  He turned his eyes back across the room.

            "Yes, Padfoot," sighed Remus, "it is, unfortunately, the girl who's name you just spoke."

            "Li –"

            "Don't say it, Padfoot."

            "HER?"

            "Yes."

            "HER?"

            "YES!"

            "Poor, poor Prongsie," said Sirius sadly.  "She doesn't really – erm – like him very much."

            "Well," said Remus slowly, "she's warming up to him – sort of . . . "

            "When do you think he'll stop?" asked Sirius eagerly.

            "Honestly, Sirius, sometimes I wonder if you really ARE his best friend," said Remus, exasperated.

            "I AM!" said Sirius indignantly.

            "You don't seem to know him at all sometimes!"

            "You're just better at reading people than I am, Moony," said Sirius.

            "ANYONE is better at reading people than YOU, Padfoot."

            "I'm insulted," said Sirius.  "ANYWAY, when will he snap out of it?"

            "Erm," said Remus, "well, you see . . ."

            " – you don't know," finished Sirius.

            "Yeah," said Remus, wilting.

            "How could you let me down, Moony?  You're supposed to know EVERYTHING!"

            "Well, I don't," sighed Remus.

            "Will he snap out of it by . . . say, erm, Saturday?"

            "Doubtful," said Remus.

            "Noooo," wailed Sirius, "MY ENTIRE LIFE IS RUINED!"

            "Keep it down, Padfoot," hissed Remus.  "Everyone's looking at us now."

            "It's just – so – so – sad!"

            "Why?  What's so important about Saturday?"

            "It was the day I was gonna ask that girl over there out," sighed Sirius, "and if Prongsie's obsessed with Li – "

            "Don't say it!" hissed Remus.

            "If Prongsie's obsessed with HER, then I can't pawn off that girl's friend off on HIM, and I won't get any major snogging action on Saturday," finished Sirius lamely.

            "Sirius!  Do you ever think about anyone but YOURSELF?"

            "Well," began Sirius doubtfully.

            "Don't answer that," sighed Remus.  "My point was, think of poor, poor Prongsie.  He's obsessed with an unreachable woman."

            Sirius snorted.

            "What?"

            "Unreachable?"

            "Yes, unreachable," sniffed Remus.

            "Sorry, Moony," sighed Sirius, "but Li – SHE is beyond unreachable."

            "Fine," sighed Remus.  "Prongs is obsessed with an IMPOSSIBLE woman.  Shouldn't we worry about him and his feelings more than you and your snogging action?"

            "No," said Sirius bluntly.

            "PADFOOT!"

            "Er – yes?" tried Sirius.

            "Thank you," said Remus, rolling his eyes.

            "Poor Prongsie," said Sirius, "maybe going out with that girl's friend will make him happier."

            "Be – sympathetic – Padfoot," said Remus through his teeth, "I know it's hard for you, but I think you can do it."

            "I don't particularly think I can."

            "PLEASE, Padfoot," said Remus, shutting his eyes tight.

            "I REALLY don't think I can, Moony," sighed Sirius, "all I want is to pawn that girl's friend off on him so I can snog that girl."

            Remus sighed.

            "Why can't Prongsie just snog Li - HER, get it over with, and get over her?" asked Sirius to no one in particular.

            "That's IT!" said Remus.

            "What's it?" asked Sirius, staring at Remus as if he had gone nuts.

            "If we can get HER to like him – "

            "That is a HUGE if, Moony."

            "Excuse me, I was in the middle of a sentence.  As I was saying, if we can get HER to like him, to go on one – just ONE date with him, he'll probably stop being obsessed with her!" said Remus happily.

            "And then I can snog that girl?"

            "YES, Padfoot," said Remus, shutting his eyes tight as if trying to erase Sirius from his mind, "then you may snog that girl."

            "Yay," said Sirius, "but Moony . . ."

            "WHAT, Padfoot?"

            "How are we going to get Li – HER to like him?"

            "Uh . . ."

            "She HATES him," said Sirius.

            "Well . . ." said Remus, "we'll have to give that a bit of thought."

            Sirius snorted.

            "We can do it," said Remus.  "You'll see.  Hey Peter – you in?"

            "Yeah," said their friend, who had been absently listening all the while.

            "See?" said Remus.  "With the three of us, we're sure to come up with SOME way for this to work."

            "Okay," said Sirius, "I'll help.  How long do you think it'll take?"

            "Uh," said Remus.

            "Longer than Saturday, right?" asked Sirius.

            "Yeah," sighed Remus.

            "Damn."

            Remus rolled his eyes.

            "Welcome to Project – "

            "THE BRITISH ARE COMING!" yelped Sirius suddenly, diving under the table.

            "Uh, Padfoot?  We are British," said Peter slowly.

            "Welcome to Project The British Are Coming," sighed Remus, "for lack of a better name."

            "Hey!" said Sirius from under the table, "I think it's a GREAT name."

            "You would, Padfoot," sighed Remus.

            "Say, Moony," grinned Sirius, "you don't happen to like that girl's friend, do you?"

            Remus Lupin's head hit the table with a thud.


	2. Chapter Two

Project The British Are Coming  
  
By Mrs Prongs  
  
Disclaimer: Ahem..yes.  
  
**  
  
So there they were that night, sitting in the Gryffindor common room brainstorming ideas. James was behind them sitting in one of the armchairs staring out of the window, at least, it looked as if he were staring out of the window but anyone who had been around him lately knew he wasn't staring at anything at all.  
  
"I've got an idea!," yelled Sirius, raising his hand for no apparent reason.  
  
"Well, what is it?," Remus asked, sighing since he knew it was probably stupid and wouldn't even work as all of his ideas for the past half hour were like this.  
  
"Well, if we take James, tell him to meet us in a classroom then lock him in there, then tell Lily there are two people having a go at it in the same classroom, and of course, you know Lily loves giving out detentions, it's like she was born to do that, then when they are both in the same room, lock them in it, and wait outside until they are together," he said as if this was the most logical thing in the world.  
  
"You know, Padfoot, that just might work!," squeeked Peter.  
  
"You both are on something," said Remus rolling his eyes, "That would only make Lily hate him more. Remember that time that we were stuck in the closet together because you had the bright idea to hide in there to see if our prank worked?"  
  
Sirius nodded gravely, but still persisted Remus to let them at least try it. "Pleaseeee Moony, I'll do something really terrible to you if you don't let us try it."  
  
"Like what?," Mooney asked, raising his eyebrows.  
  
"You'll see. Anyways, you owe me one. Remember? You almost got caught in the kitchens and I took the blame for you."  
  
"Damn."  
  
"Exactly," said Sirius and he grinned, "Now let's get started planning it out.  
  
**  
  
Two hours later everyone was in bed. Everyone except Sirius, Peter, and Remus. They were still gathered around the dying fire trying to think of a good way to execute this plan, this stupid stupid plan.   
  
"Well, the way I see it, James couldn't give a damn if we wanted to meet him anywhere or not, so we'd have to say Lily wanted to meet him in there," said Remus, looking over the piece of parchment that contained scratched out ideas and doodles of stick people that Sirius decided to draw.  
  
"You're right, Moony. We could forge a "love" letter from Lily to James that says to meet her in the empty classroom on the fourth floor," Sirius said.  
  
"Right," agreed Peter,"then we could tell Lily that there's something going wrong in the same classroom at the same time that the letter tells James to meet her."  
  
"Now we just have to write the letter," said Remus, taking out a new, clean sheet of parchment.  
  
"I wanna write it!," said Sirius brightly.  
  
"No," Peter and Remus said at the same time.  
  
  
  
"Now," said Remus, "let's think."  
  
  
  
Remus had come up with a very nice, respectable letter ten minutes later.  
  
"Now we just give it to James tomorrow morning before breakfast," he said, admiring his work.  
  
Dear James,  
  
Meet me in the first classroom on the right on the sixth floor today at 6pm, as I have something to tell you.   
  
  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Lily E.  
  
"Do you think this is a bit evil, Moony?," Peter asked with a little uncertainty coating his voice.  
  
"No." 


	3. Chapter Three

Project The British Are Coming  
  
Chapter Three  
  
By Mrs PADFOOT  
  
Disclaimer: Sing it like a hopscotch rhyme:  
  
Lily and James and the Marauders too,  
  
J. K. Rowling owns them, and all the concepts, too.  
  
Still I'm gonna write this, it's just what I do,  
  
How many days do I have 'til they sue?  
  
  
  
Let's not even answer that one.  
  
  
  
**  
  
  
  
The next morning (a Sunday), James Potter dazedly walked into the Great Hall of Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  
  
  
  
Somewhere in the thick haze that had overcome his mind in most aspects, he realized his friends had saved him a seat. Burying his disappointment, as there was no available seat next to one Lily Evans, he went and sat between Padfoot and Moony.  
  
  
  
He didn't even notice the way his friends were staring at him extra hard. A year ago, or even a month ago, when he had just had a crush on Lily Evans; he would have noticed their odd, fidgety behavior. But now, he thought Lily Evans was –   
  
  
  
"PRONGSIE! STOP!" yelped Sirius Black.  
  
  
  
"Huh?" asked James.  
  
  
  
"YOU'RE GOING TO POUR OATMEAL ON YOUR NOTE!"  
  
  
  
"My what?" frowned James. He hadn't even realized he had been getting Oatmeal until Padfoot had informed him and he had looked down to see that his hand was, indeed holding a ladleful of oatmeal over his plate. His mother had trained him well. Through thick and thin, always go for the oatmeal.  
  
  
  
Of course, this was worse than thick OR thin.  
  
  
  
"YOUR NOTE!"  
  
  
  
James looked down at his plate and looked at the small, folded piece of parchment.  
  
  
  
"Huh?"  
  
  
  
Remus reached across him, grabbed the ladle of oatmeal from James's hand, practically throwing it back into the bowl in obvious frustration.  
  
  
  
Well, obvious to everyone EXCEPT James.  
  
  
  
Sirius took advantage of James's empty hands and not-so-momentary confusion to thrust the note in James's hands.  
  
  
  
"Read it," hissed Sirius, "I want to know what it SAYS."  
  
  
  
James sighed and opened it.  
  
  
  
Dear James,  
  
  
  
Meet me in the first classroom on the right on the sixth floor today at 6pm, as  
  
I have something to tell you.  
  
  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Lily E.  
  
  
  
James blinked and reread it.  
  
  
  
He grinned.  
  
  
  
He read it again.  
  
  
  
And again.  
  
  
  
And again.  
  
  
  
And ag–  
  
  
  
"James."  
  
  
  
"Yes?"  
  
  
  
"You can stop reading it now."  
  
  
  
"I suppose I could, but I don't think I want to," said James.  
  
  
  
"He speaks!" said Moony.  
  
  
  
"HE LIVES!" screeched Sirius.  
  
  
  
"Honestly, Prongs, I think that was the first coherent sentence you've formed for us in weeks," said Remus happily.  
  
  
  
"So, Prongsie, now that you're back to normal, there's this girl, and I REALLY wanna snog her on Saturday, and I was thinking – " Sirius began.  
  
  
  
"Padfoot," said Remus in a warning tone.  
  
  
  
"What?" asked Sirius.  
  
  
  
"I'm going to the dormitories," said James happily. "I think I need to – freshen up, you know?"  
  
  
  
"PRONGSIE!"  
  
  
  
"Prongs, I really don't think – "  
  
  
  
But he was already gone.  
  
  
  
Sirius's shoulders slumped in disappointment.  
  
  
  
"I thought he was normal," sighed Sirius, "I thought that he would go out with that girl's friend on Saturday so I could snog that girl."  
  
  
  
"Sirius," sighed Remus, "would you please stop obsessing over that girl, whoever she is?"  
  
  
  
"No," said Sirius seriously.  
  
  
  
Remus rolled his eyes.  
  
  
  
"Why isn't he normal? He – he spoke! He said something!"  
  
  
  
"He scanned the message, and realized it was important," said Remus. "So he willed his love-drugged brain to work, and, shockingly enough, it worked, if only to read the message. Over and over and over again."  
  
  
  
"Oh," sighed Sirius.  
  
  
  
"Yes," said Remus, "we need to get past this, Padfoot. Which is why your plan had better work."  
  
  
  
"It will," said Sirius happily, pouring maple syrup without pause onto his pancakes.  
  
  
  
Remus didn't feel particularly reassured.  
  
  
  
**  
  
  
  
"Where's Prongsie?" asked Sirius suddenly.  
  
  
  
"Upstairs," sighed Remus, "do your potions homework."  
  
  
  
"Why's he upstairs?"  
  
  
  
"He's freshening up," sighed Remus.  
  
  
  
"Didn't he freshen up this morning?" asked Sirius, confused.  
  
  
  
"Yes, he did."  
  
  
  
"But then why – ?"   
  
  
  
"Twice. And that's just this morning. This afternoon's count was four, not counting the current one, which, technically, is probably evening number one."  
  
  
  
"Oh," said Sirius, standing up. "Why? WHY? WHY HAS POOR PRONGSIE GONE NUTS, MOONY? I CAN'T TAKE THIS! MY BEST FRIEND NEEDS SERIOUS HELP! WHY CAN'T PRONGSIE BE LIKE HE WAS BEFORE?"  
  
  
  
Remus pulled Sirius back down on the couch.  
  
  
  
"Calm, deep, breaths Padfoot," said Remus, "you're scaring the first years."  
  
  
  
"Five forty-five, guys," said James happily, descending the stairs, "I'll be in the first classroom to the right on the sixth floor."  
  
  
  
"Didn't we say six?" hissed Sirius under his breath as James left.  
  
  
  
"Yes," said Remus.  
  
  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
  
  
"Positive," sighed Remus.  
  
  
  
"Positively positive?" asked Sirius.  
  
  
  
"Yes."  
  
  
  
"Absolutely positively positive?"  
  
  
  
"YES."  
  
  
  
"Totally absolutely positively positive?"  
  
  
  
"YES!"  
  
  
  
"Completely totally absolutely positively positive?"  
  
  
  
"YES!"  
  
  
  
"Purely – "  
  
  
  
"Padfoot?"  
  
  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
  
  
"Shut up."  
  
  
  
"Why?"  
  
  
  
"Because."  
  
  
  
"Oh," said Sirius. "Okay."  
  
  
  
"Okay, here's the plan," said Remus, "you and Peter go get the invisibility cloak, and I'll talk to Lily."  
  
  
  
"Why are you talking to Lily?"  
  
  
  
"Because," said Remus, "she doesn't think that I'm quite as insane as the rest of you."  
  
  
  
"I resent that," sighed Sirius, "but okay. Fine. C'mon, Wormtail. Let's go snoop in Prongsie's trunk."  
  
  
  
Peter shrugged and followed Sirius.  
  
  
  
Remus sighed, took a deep breath, wondered why the hell all his friends were idiots, and went over to talk to Lily.  
  
  
  
"Lily?"  
  
  
  
"Remus."  
  
  
  
"Yeah," he said. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"  
  
  
  
"Fine," said Lily, raising an eyebrow, "what do you want?"  
  
  
  
"It's about James," said Remus.  
  
  
  
"What about James?" asked Lily, her eyes narrowing.  
  
  
  
"I – he's going to – well – "  
  
  
  
"Spit it out, Remus."  
  
  
  
"James is going to do something – I don't know what – at six, in the first door to the right, on the sixth floor – I just thought you might want to stop him."  
  
  
  
"I swear," muttered Lily under her breath. "Well, thanks Remus, I'll go right now – damn him! Ugh!"  
  
  
  
Remus winced in sympathy for poor, lovestruck James.  
  
  
  
**  
  
  
  
"Ow – Wormtail – that's my foot!" yelped Sirius.  
  
  
  
"Sorry," said Peter quickly.  
  
  
  
"D'you see her, Remus?" asked Sirius, forgetting about his trodden-on foot.  
  
  
  
"No," said Remus, "I'm trying to keep a safe distance because you two are being so loud."  
  
  
  
"Why do you always blame everything on me and Wormtail, Moony?" asked Sirius sadly.  
  
  
  
"Because," said Remus, "you two are the stupid ones. Especially you, Padfoot."  
  
  
  
"Ouch," said Sirius.  
  
  
  
"Where are we, anyway?" asked Peter.  
  
  
  
"Yeah, where are we?" asked Sirius.  
  
  
  
"Honestly, can't you two keep track?" sighed Remus, rolling his eyes. "Sixth floor, almost – "  
  
  
  
"JAMES POTTER WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THIS – "  
  
  
  
SLAM.  
  
  
  
" – there," Sirius finished Remus's sentence.  
  
  
  
Remus did a quick charm on the door.  
  
  
  
"This had better work, Padfoot," hissed Remus.  
  
  
  
"It will," said Sirius happily.  
  
  
  
Remus rolled his eyes and stomped back off towards the Gryffindor dormitories. 


	4. Chapter Four

PTBAC  
  
By Mrs PRONGS  
  
"Moony!? Where are you going?," Sirius wailed, "Moooohooohoooooneyyyyyyy!"  
  
"I'm going back to the common room," Remus stated.  
  
"Whyyy?"  
  
"Because I don't think I could bear to watch James get beaten to a bloody pulp."  
  
"Oh," Sirius said, thinking about what Remus said, "But why? I mean, it's not your fault that they're stuck in there, it's mine, so you should enjoy yourself."  
  
Remus sighed and made his way back to the classroom door.  
  
**  
  
"What happened?," asked Lily, looking around for the mysterious clicking sound.  
  
"What sound, Lily dear?," James replied, gazing at her.  
  
  
  
"The clicking sound," she said, walking over to the door. "Don't call me "dear", Potter."  
  
"Well, okay, but I didn't hear a clicking sound."  
  
Lily tried to open the door. "It's LOCKED!," she yelled and started to kick it. She turned towards James. "This is all of your fault," she said pointing at him. "You WANT me to go crazy, don't you?"  
  
James looked puzzled. "I didn't lock the door," he said, going over to the door himself and trying to open it. "And of course I don't want you to go crazy, unless it's crazy in love with me."  
  
Lily rolled her eyes. "I'd never be 'crazy in love' with you, or however you put it," she said, trying to charm their way out. "Who in the hell decided that /i should only be able to open doors locked from the outside?"  
  
"Someone very smart," James said, obviously happy with their current situtation.  
  
"Shutup, Potter," she said, resulting to banging on the door screaming from help. She could of swore she heard snickering from the other side. "SIRIUS BLACK! I HEAR YOU!," she screamed through the cracks through the door. "I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T LET ME OUT RIGHT NOW I'LL GIVE YOU A MONTH'S WORTH OF DETENTION!"She heard a muffled "No!" from the other side. "I HATE YOU!," she said, kicking the poor, beaten door once more then sat down.  
  
James came over and sat down next to her, "Now it can't be all that bad. After all, you wanted to meet me here in the first place."  
  
Lily looked up at him. "What are you talking about?"  
  
James furrowed his brows. "The note you sent me this morning. See, here it is," he said, and took out the worn note from his robe pocket and gave it to her.  
  
Lily read it obviously confused. "I'm sorry, but I didn't write this. Actually, I'm not really sorry, I just didn't write this."  
  
"Then who would have?"  
  
They looked at eachother. "Them," they said in unison, then looked over towards the locked door.  
  
"I can't believe they would do this," James said, burying his face in his hands, "Next time I see them, I'm going to kill them."  
  
"I'm with you," Lily said, then gasped at the thought of agreeing with James.  
  
"So, Evans, what do you want to do to pass the time," James asked, smiling at her.  
  
"Nothing. I'll sit over here, and you sit over there," she said, pointing towards the other side of the room.  
  
"Fine," he said crossing the room then sitting on a pile of old books.  
  
They sat in silence in what seemed like forever to James.   
  
"You know, you're really pretty," he said genuinely.   
  
Lily just rolled her eyes and kicked some books away from her.  
  
"Will you go out with me?"  
  
"No."  
  
  
  
"Please?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Pretty please?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Pretty pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?"  
  
"NO! NO! And for the last time NO! I'd rather date Snape than you."  
  
"Why would you want to go out with that greasy haired git when you could get me?"  
  
"That's the reason. You're the most conceided person in the world," she said, crossing her arms with a huff.  
  
"Well, that's a pretty big decision to make. I mean, have you met every person in the world?"  
  
Lily had had enough. She picked up one of the old moldy books off of the floor and hurled it towards James. James's Quidditch reflexes let him dodge it easily.  
  
"What was that for!?"  
  
  
  
"For your smart ass comments, now shutup for God's sake."  
  
"God has nothing to do with this."  
  
"That's it, I'm climbing out of the window," she said, standing up and crossing the room towards the single window.  
  
"Lily, we're six floors up," said James worriedly.  
  
"So? Dying isn't as bad as being stuck in a room with you."  
  
"No, Lily," James said, "you wouldn't do it anyways."  
  
Lily groaned. "This is the worst day of my life," she said, burying her face in her lap.   
  
"You know, they aren't going to let us out until they're convinced that we like eachother," James stated.  
  
Lily looked up from her current position. "I hate to say it James Potter, but you're right."  
  
  
  
"I know."  
  
"Well, so what's the plan? I'm willing to do anything at this point."  
  
"Anything?," asked James, smirking. Lily caught on to what he was getting at.  
  
"You know what I mean."  
  
"Unfortunantly, I do."  
  
"So, we just have to make them think we like eachother," she said.  
  
"Exactly," James said, standing up, "Just say something like 'Oh James, you're the best person in the world' then run into my arms and I'll say something clever."  
  
"You wish," she said, walking back over to her seat.  
  
"It's the only thing that's going to get us out of here," he said desperately. "Away from eachother."  
  
"Fine," she said, standing up again then clearing her throat. "OH JAMES, YOU'RE THE MOST WONDERFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE HATED YOU ALL OF THESE YEARS!," she bellowed, running across the room then halting in front of James.  
  
"I THINK I LOVE YOU, LILY!," James yelled towards the door, knowing that he really did in the back of his mind.  
  
**  
  
  
  
On the other side of the door Sirius's eyes brightened. "See! I told you!," he said, casting the spell to open the door.  
  
Remus rolled his eyes knowing perfectly well that Lily and James were putting on a show.  
  
Sirius opened the door, smiling. "So you like James now, huh Lily?" James and Lily ran towards the door and shoved past them.  
  
"You've got a month's worth of detention, all three of you," she said pointing to Remus, Sirius, and Peter.  
  
"So you don't really like James?," Sirius asked, sounding upset.  
  
"OF COURSE NOT!," she yelled walking down the corridor then turning.  
  
James walked right past his three fellow Maraurders as well.  
  
"Jamesey!," Sirius yelled, "Come back!" But James was already gone.  
  
"Good plan, Padfoot, you idiot," Remus said walking down the corridor after James.  
  
"Yea, you know, he's probably going to kill us tonight," Peter said, following James.  
  
"Guys!," Sirius screamed after them, "I'm sorry!," he said then ran after them. 


	5. Chapter Five

Project The British Are Coming

Part Five

By Mrs Padfoot

Disclaimer:  If I was JK Rowling, I would really spend all day posting on fanfiction.net... –rolls eyes– 

Note: I know it's a habit for us to post daily . . . but Mrs Prongs is taking forever writing the next chapter 

(for that matter, I'm not sure she's even STARTED it).  I'm trying to hurry her along, really I am, but don't expect an immediate update.

&&&

            "MOONY!"

            With that said, Remus Lupin looked frantically around the hallway for some place to hide.  He knew the voice, and he REALLY didn't feel like talking to Sirius right now.  He had been avoiding him all day – although it had been harder today that it was normally – James had been too furious to sit with them and he couldn't go sit with Lily even though usually they were on fairly good terms, because she was spitting fire because he hadn't stopped Sirius.  The only thing that he could put between himself and his insane best friend was Peter – but he was desperate enough to avoid an encounter with Sirius that he took his only opportunity.

            So far, he had been successful.  He hadn't uttered a single word to Sirius all day.

            But he had a sinking feeling that his winning streak was going to stop.

            Mostly because he couldn't duck around the corner and run without Sirius seeing him.

            "Moony," said Sirius, "I have a wonder, super-de-dooper amazing plan."

            "Can't talk.  Late."

            "What are you late for?  Classes are over, Moony," said Sirius, looking at Remus in a very confused manner.

            "Uh – Prefect's meeting," Remus invented.

            "I thought that was Fridays this year?" puzzled Sirius.

            "Well – uh," said Remus eloquently.

            "Moony, are you trying to avoid me?" asked Sirius sadly.

            "Well – "

            "Moony, this is IMPORTANT," said Sirius, backing Remus up against the wall.

            "Fine," sighed Remus, squeezing his eyes shut in exasperation.  "Fine.  Just get it over with."

            "It's about Project The British Are Coming," said Sirius.

            "What?"

            "Project The British Are Coming," said Sirius slowly, articulating every syllable as if he were talking to someone especially stupid.

            "Oh, yeah," said Remus, wondering once again why the hell they had named it that.  "Listen, Padfoot, I've been meaning to talk to you about that – "

            "Never mind that, I have an idea for our next attempt," said Sirius, grinning.

            "Well, see, Padfoot," sighed Remus, "I think we should just quit."

            Sirius's face fell.

            "There's nothing we can do – really, Sirius, it seemed like a good idea, but I have a feeling that we should stop now before they both REALLY hate us."

            Although Remus had given this a lot of serious thought since the – incident – the night before, and had decided that ending their efforts was definitely the best choice, somehow, he was having second thoughts now.

            It probably was because of the pathetically sad look on Sirius's face.  His friend looked as if the whole world had just crumbled to pieces.

            And every second with Sirius's crestfallen face staring back at him was making him less convinced.

            "Oh hell," sighed Remus, "I know I'm going to regret this, but tell me what your idea is."

            The change in Sirius was immediate.

            "You know our potions assignment for next week?"

            "Choose a potion we have not covered in class and write an essay on it?" asked Remus skeptically, wondering where the hell Sirius was going with this.

            "That's the one," said Sirius happily.  "Well, I was trying to find a COOL potion, you know?  I was hoping for something that blew stuff up, but I couldn't find one so I found the next coolest thing."

            "Which was?"

            "Sickening Sludge.  Don't let the name fool you.  It's a true prankster's potion.  It's tasteless, so it goes in any food, AND it renders the victim with the SYMPTOMS of sickness – dizziness, slight discoloring, fainting, occasionally some vomiting – but they don't ACTUALLY get sick."

            Remus raised an eyebrow.  He had never heard Sirius speak so clearly and strongly outside one oral presentation he had actually prepared for.  Of course, knowing Sirius, he probably had been preparing his description of the potion all day.

            "What does sickening sludge have to do with Ja – " Remus changed mid-sentence at Sirius's look "Project The British Are Coming?" he finished dully.

            "Everything!  We give Prongsie a small dosage, and everyone will think he's sick.  And Lily will rush him to the hospital wing and he'll wake up and she'll be there and she'll weep with happiness and exclaim 'Oh, Jamesey, I'm SO glad you're okay!' and he'll reach for her hand and squeeze it and then she'll lean down and – "

            "Padfoot."

            "Yeah?"

            "You're forgetting something.  A very important something."

            "What?"

            "Lily HATES Prongs.  She wouldn't take him to the hospital wing if he was DYING."

            "Oh yeah . . ." said Sirius thoughtfully.

            Remus tried to command his feet to move away.  Far, far away.

            His feet never seemed to listen to him when he needed them most.

            "What if we REVERSED the plan?"

            Remus blinked.

            "I mean, what if we gave Lily the potion?"

            "What good would THAT do, Padfoot?  Lily hates James.  Lily gets sick.  Lily gets better.  Lily still hates James."

            "Mooo-ony," said Sirius, rolling his eyes, "don't you get it?  Lily hates James.  Lily gets sick.  James takes Lily to the hospital wing and sits by her bed.  Lily wakes up, sees James doting on her – Lily doesn't hate James.  James, being James, asks Lily out.  Lily says okay.  Lily falls in love with James.  Ta da!  It's a perfect plan."

            "Padfoot, I really don't think – "

            Sirius sighed, and gave Remus the same dejected, sad look.

            Remus could not be falling for this.

            Could not be.

            Could.  Not.  Be.

            COULD.  NOT.  BE.

            But he was.

            "Fine," sighed Remus finally.  "Go tell Peter Phase Two is about to commence."

**

            "Prongs?"

            "Prongsie?"

            "PRONGSIE!"

            "Mm?"

            "Don't you want some pumpkin juice?"

            "Mm . . . "

            "PRONGSIE!  PUMPKIN JUICE!"

            "Whatever, Padfoot."

            Sirius took that as a yes.

            He grabbed an empty mug, filled it will pumpkin juice, and poured the contents of a vial of Sickening Sludge into it.

            Luckily, Sirius's potions report had been the perfect excuse for brewing the Sickening Sludge.  Sirius brewed the thing in the corner and no one questioned him.  Of course, that might have been because they didn't want to go near the disgusting smell, but the reason didn't REALLY matter.

            Sirius stuffed the mug into James's hand.  He didn't let go of it right away, for fear that James would drop it.  After about a minute, though, James seemed to realize that he was supposed to take it, and he did so.

            He plopped it on the table and went back to staring vacantly.

            "PRONGSIE!  DRINK IT!"

            "Hmm?

            "DRINK THE RUDDY PUMPKIN JUICE!"

            "Mm."

            "DRINK IT!"

            James waved Sirius away with slow, dreamy, yet uncaring movements.

            "JUST DRINK IT, PRONGSIE!"

            "Shut up," muttered James.

            "Not until you DRINK IT!"

            James grabbed the goblet, drank the entire glass in one gulp, and went back to staring.

            "Moony."

            "Hmm?"

            "Would you put your book down and listen to me?"

            "Fine, fine.  What is it?"

            "I gave Prongsie the potion."

            "You gave – WHAT?!"

            "I gave Prongsie the potion."

            "Padfoot – I thought we were giving Li – HER the potion."

            "Oh yeah . . ."

            With those words, Remus Lupin knew he was completely, totally and utterly doomed.


	6. Chapter Six

Project The British Are Coming  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Mrs. Prongs  
  
Author's Note: *Astonished* I KNOW it isn't much, but I haven't had the time to write lately, and even completing this chapter was a struggle. Actually, the only reason I wrote it was to keep Mrs. Padfoot from ripping out my throat. Oh well, I really hope you like and I promise the next chapter I write will br longer and more enjoyable.  
  
**  
  
Later that day during Transfiguration, James was starting to feel ill.  
  
"Professor?," he asked, abandoning his project.  
  
McGonnagal looked up from her notes. "Yes Mr. Potter?,"  
  
  
  
James looked wearily at her, wondering why there were three of her instead of one. "I don't feel so well. May I be excused to go to the ___," James didn't have a chance to finish his sentence as he had fainted right there and hit his head on the table behind him.  
  
Sirius, being Sirius, ran over to Remus instead of acting the least bit worried about James.  
  
"See! See! See!," he asked, flailing his hand towards James excitedly,"What did I tell you?"  
  
Remus looked at him skepitcally. "Padfoot, James just hit his head on the hard wood table. How can you be happy?!"  
  
"Becauseeeeeeeeeee, Mooney, IT WORKED!," Sirius replied, rolling his eyes.  
  
  
  
Remus didn't have anyt time to say soething back because at that moment McGonnagal walked briskly over to James and spoke.  
  
"Lily Evans, please take Mr. Potter to the hospital wing. You're the only one I trust to come back," she said, trying to wake him up.  
  
Lily groaned. "Yes, Professor," she said, then stood up, helped the semi conscious James to his feet, and dragged him out of the door.  
  
Sirius looked back to Remus. "SEEEEEE! I AM A GENIUS!"  
  
"Mr. Black, go to your seat!," McGonnagal said.  
  
**  
  
Meanwhile, Lily had helped James down two flights of stairs to the Hospital Wing and sat him in the nearest chair as Madame Pomfrey rushed over.  
  
"What happened here?," she asked, taking James to a bed.  
  
"He fainted in class," Lily said, ready to get out of there.  
  
Promfrey sighed. "My, my, he has a cut on the back of his head."  
  
"Oh, right, he hit his head on a table, too," Lily replied.  
  
"Well, you can go back to class," she said as she tended to James.  
  
"Will he be alright," asked Lily, wondering where the concern about James Potter's well being came from.  
  
"Oh yes, just a couple of days in here and he'll be ready to go."  
  
"Oh, alright," Lily said, backing out of the Hospital Wing.  
  
Author's Note: So there is the ridiculously short and pathetic Chapter 6. :( I'm sorry. 


	7. Chapter Seven

Project The British Are Coming

Chapter Seven

By Mrs. Padfoot

Disclaimer:  JK Rowling owns the characters.  We own the insane characterization of them.

Author's Note: It's a LONGish chapter! –is shocked– Of course, this is because I wrote it :D  rotfl.  You know, if you flip through our stories, the scrollbar changes by chapter.  It goes long – short – long – short . . . rotfl.  Cause I write too much and Mrs. Prongs doesn't write enough.

&&

            "Mooooooooooony, where are we going?  I'm HUNGRY."

            "Hospital wing," said Remus.  Sirius attempted to wrench himself from his friend's monster grip, but Remus didn't let go.

            "WHY?"

            "Because we have to visit James."

            "No we don't," said Sirius, looking puzzled.

            "Yes, we do," said Remus.

            "Why?  We know he's okay," said Sirius.

            "Exactly.  If we DON'T visit him, it'll look suspicious," sighed Remus.

            "How?" asked Sirius.  Remus wondered where he had ever acquired such a stupid friend.

            "Because we're his best friends," said Remus slowly, "if we don't act WORRIED about him, then people will get suspicious that we're behind his sickness."

            "I get it," said Peter.

            "I don't," said Sirius.

            Remus rolled his eyes.

            "We ARE behind his sickness, Moony," said Sirius slowly.

            "And do we want the whole world to know that?"

            "Yes?"

            Remus glared at Sirius.

            "I mean, no, of course not."

            Remus sighed.  He really did miss the old James.  There was something nice in having a friend to talk to that wasn't stupid and insane.

            Sirius and Peter wisely shut up.

            Remus dragged them both into the hospital room.

            "Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, Mr. Pettigrew," greeted Madame Pomfrey.  "Not even a surprise to see you here."

            "Nice to see you too, Madame Pomfrey," said Sirius happily.

            "I don't suppose you're going to go away?" asked Madame Pomfrey huffily.

            "Nope," said Sirius cheerfully.

            "Well, then, I'm pleased to tell you that Mr. Potter is awake," sighed Madame Pomfrey.

            "Yay," said Sirius, jumping from Remus's grasp to the far bed.

            Remus rolled his eyes and followed Sirius, rolling his eyes.

            "Prongsie!"

            James was staring vacantly into space.

            Again.

            Remus sighed.

            "Prongsie!?!" said Sirius.

            "Eyuuuuuh?"

            "Quidditch practice tomorrow!" said Sirius.

            "Kaaaaaaay."

            Sirius slumped down, very sadly.        

            "But – I thought – Prongsie LOVES Quidditch!"

            Remus touched Sirius on the shoulder.

            "There's nothing we can do for him," he said.

            "Except," said Sirius, "work on Project The British Are Coming!"

            And he dashed out of the room.

            Remus groaned.

            Peter looked frightened.

            "Well, Mr. Potter," said Madame Pomfrey, coming over, "I believe you're well enough that you can go with your friends."

            "Kaaaaaaay."

            James, strangely enough, seemed to have understood Madame Pomfrey.  He left the bed and walked out of the hospital wing, dazed.

            "C'mon, Peter," sighed Remus.  "Let's go see what mess Padfoot's gotten himself into THIS time."

**

            Strangely enough, Sirius wasn't doing anything wrong when they saw him in his usual seat in the great hall.

            He was just grinning hugely.

            That, in itself, was enough to scare Remus Lupin to death.

            "Padfoot."

            "Moony!"

            "What did you do?"

            "I'm hurt, Moony," said Sirius. "What makes you think I did something wrong?"

            "Your name is Sirius Black?"

            Sirius stared at him.

            "Nevermind," sighed Remus, "what did you do?"

            "I DID IT!" he grinned.

            "Did what?"

            "I gave HER," said Sirius, leaning towards Remus with a conspiring whisper, "the potion."

            "You didn't!" said Remus.

            "I did!" grinned Sirius.  "Yes, I'm proud of myself too!"

            Remus sighed, and wondered how his life could possibly get any worse.

            All he needed was a full moon.

**

            Surely enough, in the middle of her potions essay, Lily fainted.

            James, who had been humming to himself vaguely while Remus took pity on his friend and did his homework, suddenly went alert.

            "LILY!" he screamed.

            Sirius looked delighted.

            Remus wondered how Lily could still be asleep after a yell that loud.

            James ran over to Lily, scooped her up, and scrambled out the portrait hole with Lily in his arms.

            Sirius grabbed Peter and whirled him around in a victory dance.

            Remus ignored them.

**

            James rushed into the hospital wing.

            "Madame Pomfrey!" he screeched.

            The old woman looked up.

            "Back again, Mr. Potter?" she asked, clearly amused.

            "Lily FAINTED!" he said, looking horrified.

            "Is that all?  I thought it was worse from your expression," chuckled the old woman.  "She probably has whatever you had."

            James, settling Lily on the bed, felt suddenly very guilty.  Was it HIS fault Lily fainted.

            "Mr. Potter, I don't require your assistance," said Madame Pomfrey huffily.

            James ignored her, and reached for Lily's hand.

            Madame Pomfrey rolled her eyes.

**

            "Moooony."

            "WHAT, Padfoot?"

            "Jamesey's not back yet."

            "So?"

            "I'm WORRIED."

            "Good for you."

            "I'm REALLY WORRIED, Moony."

            "Sirius," sighed Remus, putting down his book, "why the hell are you worried?  It's been twenty minutes since he went down to the hospital wing."

            "IT DOESN'T TAKE TWENTY MINUTES TO GET THERE AND BACK!"

            "Yes, but – "

            But Sirius, for the second time that day, ran out of the room.

            Remus and Peter stared after him for a few seconds, their mouths dropping open.

            "C'mon, Wormtail," sighed Remus.  "Let's go see what royal mess he's gotten himself into THIS time."

**

            Lily stirred.

            James perked up.

            "Lily?"

            "Hmm?"

            "Are you awake?"

            "Mmhmm."

            Her eyes fluttered open.

            "What're you doing here?"

            "You fainted," he said.

            She wrinkled her forehead, as if trying to remember.

            "I guess I did," she said after a moment.

            "I sorta brought you here," he said quietly.

            "Sorta?"

            "Yeah."

            "Well, um, thanks," said Lily softly, giving him a small smile.  James realized that it was the first time she had really, really smiled at him.

            He grinned, suddenly ecstatic.  Lily was going to be okay, and she SMILED at him.

            "PRONGSIE!!!!!"

            James and Lily looked at the doorway just in time to see someone run in.

            James moaned.

            "PRONGSIE – COME BACK – MOONY – WORRIED – AAAAAAH!!!!!" yelped Sirius black.

            "Go away," James mouthed at his best friend.

            "What?" asked Sirius, puzzled.

            "Go away," mouthed James again.

            "But – " said Sirius, looking depressed, "I don't want to go away without you."

            "JAMES POTTER, WERE YOU TRYING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME WHILE I WAS SICK?!?!?!?"  yelled Lily.

            "No," said James.

            Lily glared at him.

            James glared at Sirius.

            Sirius grinned.

            Madame Pomfrey sighed muttered something about noisy students.

            Lily jumped out of her bed, threw James one last glare, and stalked away.

            "I really, really, hate you, Padfoot," growled James, walking after her.

            "Gee, what did I do?" asked Sirius.


	8. Chapter Eight

Project the British Are Coming  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Mrs Prongs  
  
----------  
  
"JAMESEY!," Padfoot screamed as James rushed down the corridor to catch up with Lily. "WHERE ARE YOU GOING!? WHAT DID I DOOOOO?!" But it was too late. James had already turned the corner.  
  
Five minutes later, Sirius climbed through the portriat hole. Crossing the room, he plopped sullenly next to Remus.  
  
"What did you do?," Moony asked, not looking up from his book.  
  
"What do you mean I?," Padfoot asked, clearly offended.  
  
"Because you're the root of all evil."  
  
Sirius threw a cushion at Remus and stuck his tongue out. "Well, excuse you, but I didn't do anything. He went after Lily."  
  
"What do you mean, 'went after'?"  
  
"Uh, you know, chased her?," Padfoot said, "I thought you were the smart one Remie."  
  
Remus glared at his fellow Marauder and threw the sofa cushion back. "You have no common sense whatsoever."  
  
Padfoot ignored the comment. "Well, you see, James just kinda gave me a glare, you know, the one where it seems like he is about to kill you," Remus nodded since he knew perfectly well what Sirius was talking about, "then he just took off after Lily."  
  
Peter quietly took out his parchment and quill. "Well," he sighed, "new plan." At that, Remus, Sirius and Peter gathered together in a tight circle in front of the fire.  
  
-------  
  
Exactly three hours later, James clambered into the Gryffindor common room, clearly tired and pissed. His fellow friends were sitting at the fire as if going over some kind of strategy.  
  
"JAMESEY!," Padfoot screamed across the quiet room and hopped up only to smother James in a 'you've been gone forever' hug.  
  
"Sirius, I'm not in the mood," James replied, pushing Padfoot off of him and trudging up to the dormitories.  
  
Sirius looked as if someone took his lollipop away. Simply crushed.  
  
"Remie! See!," Padfoot said, pointing accusingly towards the stairs. "Jamesey hates me."  
  
Remus looked understanding. You, of course, would be pissed if your best friend ruined your chances with your one true love. "Give him time and stay away from him."  
  
"But, but, the plaaaaaaaaan!"  
  
"Forget about it, Sirius," Remus said, helping Peter collect the balled up pieces of parchment from the floor, then heading towards the dormitories themselves, leaving Padfoot alone in the common room.  
  
Sirius quickly followed them.  
  
-------  
  
The next morning at breakfast, James was still not talking to Sirius.  
  
"Remus, would you ask Sirius to pass me the butter?," James said, emphasizing the name Sirius with a tone of deep loathing.  
  
"Er, Padfoot?," Remus asked, turning towards a very sad Sirius.   
  
"Sure," Padfoot said and handed Remus the butter dish.  
  
"Thanks." Remus gave James the dish.  
  
"Thank you, Remus," he said, and went to buttering his toast.  
  
"So, what about them Celtics?," Peter asked, trying to start a civilized conversation.  
  
Remus, Padfoot and James all stared at Peter like he was simply insane. "The WHO?"  
  
Peter went back to eating his eggs. "Nevermind," he mumbled.  
  
The others mumbled some inaudable words that sounded along the lines of 'whatever, 'idiot', and 'simply insane'.  
  
"I guess Project the British Are Coming is no more," Padfoot mumbled to Moony.  
  
"I guess so..."  
  
-------  
  
OR SO THEY THOUGHT.  
  
So there you go, Chapter Uhh...yea=D Sorry so short. But it's been over a month. WHOO! 


	9. Chapter Nine

Project the British are Coming

Chapter 9

By Mrs. Padfoot

Note: Yay – I'm done!  The second part was written waaaaaaay before the first half was... lol.  Mrs. Prongs would like credit for the French fries... er – don't ask, just read.

***

            If anything, Sirius looked even sadder in potions than he had at breakfast.

            James had chosen to sit across the potions room at a different table (next to Lily, of course), and was completely ignoring his best friend.

            Sirius wilted.

            Remus couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

            Naturally, he regretted it.

            Didn't he always?

            Halfway through lunch, Sirius stumbled in with a huge grin on his face.

            Normally, Remus would have been very, VERY scared.

            But for some reason, he wasn't quite as scared as he should have been.

            And he should have been.

            Oh, yes, he should have been.

            He knew that as soon as Sirius opened his mouth.

            Then he came back to reality.

            "Go away, Padfoot."

            "I didn't say anything yet!"

            "But I already know I don't want to hear it.  Go away."

            Sirius sniffed.

            "Everyone hates me, Peter!" wailed Sirius.

            Peter glared at Remus.

            "First Prongsie, and now Moony!"

            Peter nudged Remus.

            Remus ignored them.

            "Do you hate me, Wormtail?"

            "Of course not, Sirius!"

            "YOU'RE LYING!  EVERYONE HATES ME!  WHY DON'T YOU JUST ADMIT IT!?!" screamed Sirius.

            Everyone eating stared at him.

            Except, of course, for Remus.

            And James.

            "Keep it down, would you, Padfoot?" said Remus.

            "Well, then, Moony," said Sirius, "I'll just tell Peter my brilliant plan about Project the British are Coming."

            "Padfoot, wha – ?" began Remus.  He tried again.  "Project the British are Coming is DEAD!"

            "Yes, but Wormtail and I are bringing it back.  Right, Pete?"

            "Uh – "

            "Padfoot – " sighed Remus.

            "Sorry, Moony, you're not included this time.  It's just me, Peter, and our amazing brain power!"

            Remus snorted into his water.

            "You may laugh – but – uh – "

            Remus rolled his eyes.

            " – we – are – er – cooler than you!  Right Peter?"

            "Uh – "

            "And we're going to have a meeting tonight in the common room WITHOUT YOU, Moony!  How do you like that?  Huh?"

            "Well – " began Remus.

            "You can sit with JAMES."

            Remus closed his eyes tightly.

            "FINE, Padfoot, I'll come!"

            "Really?"

**

            So, very much against his will, Remus found himself in the common room (again) surrounded by idiots (again) attempting to get Lily and James together (again).

            "Mooony," said Sirius, "introduce me and my brilliant plan!"

            "Why?" asked Remus, "everyone here knows who you are and that you have a brilliant plan."

            "Butttttt MOOOOOOONY," said Sirius, giving him a puppy-dog face, "I can't give my brilliant plan without an proper introduction!"

            "Fine," sighed Remus, "Welcome to – "

            "REMUS!  You have to STAND UP and introduce us!"

            "Fine," sighed Remus, "Welcome to the third meeting – "

            "No, Moony," said Sirius with a pronounced sigh.  "You have to say third and HOPEFULLY final meeting."

            "Fine," sighed Remus, "Welcome to the third and hopefully final meeting of Project the – "

            "MOONY!  It's meeting of what WAS Project the British are coming!  We collapsed it, remember?"

            "Fine," sighed Remus, "Welcome to the third and hopefully final meeting of what was Project the British are Coming, in which we will discuss – "

            "PRESENT, Moony, not discuss.  There will be no need to discuss it.

            "Fine," sighed Remus, "Welcome to the third and hopefully final meeting of what was Project the British are Coming, in which we will present Padfoot's idea – "

            "Padfoot's BRILLIANT, life-changing idea!"

            "Fine," sighed Remus, "Welcome to the third and hopefully final meeting of what was Project the British are Coming, in which we will discuss Padfoot's brilliant, life-changing idea."

            Peter clapped.

            Sirius stood up and took a bow.

            "And now, I will tell you of my brilliant idea," said Sirius.

            He paused.

            "Ahem – where's my applause?" asked Sirius.

            Peter and Remus clapped boredly, but Sirius didn't seemed to notice their lack of enthusiasm.

            "We, the ex-members of Project the British are Coming," he began.

            He stared at them.

            They clapped.

            "Are gathered here in a mock of our old meetings, to discuss: the plan."

            Before Sirius had a chance to pause dramatically, Remus and Peter clapped.

            "I suggest..."

            Remus and Peter stared at him.

            "That we..."

            And stared at him.

            "Reconvene Project T – ahhhhhhhhhhh!"

            Sirius jumped and ducked behind the couch.

            "Padfoot – what the...?"

            "Jamesey alert," hissed Sirius from behind them.

            Sure enough, James had walked in, reading something with a vague smile on his face.  He headed straight for the 7th year boys' dormitories.

            Sirius popped right back out.

            "So.  I think we should reconvene Project The British Are Coming," said Sirius, "in honor of my no-fail, perfect, absolutely wonderful plan!"

            Remus and Peter stared at him.

            "What?"

            "We're astonished you know the word reconvene," said Remus.

            Sirius blinked.

            "But go on, Padfoot," sighed Remus.  "Tell us your brilliant plan."

            "No."

            Remus and Peter stared at Padfoot, then each other, then Padfoot again.

            "What?" asked Peter.

            "I said no.  FIRST we must reform Project the British are Coming, and THEN I will tell you my brilliant plan."

            "Padfoot –" Remus began.

            "Don't worry," said Sirius, "it's very easy.  Just sign here."

            He took out a roll of parchment, which Remus guessed to be about four feet long of minuscule writing.

            "Are we supposed to read all that?" asked Peter.

            "Well – if you want to," said Sirius, "but it just states all the goals and such for Project the British are Coming."

            "Is that what you were writing during History of Magic?" asked Remus suspiciously.

            "Um – no," said Sirius.  "Anyway – "

            "You should've been paying attention," said Remus.

            "Go away, Moony," said Sirius seriously, "Okay, well, I can read it for you if you'd like."

            "Yes, please do," said Remus.

            "Ahem," said Sirius.  "The aims of Project the British of Coming are as following:  to get James out of his dreamlike trance, to get Lily to stop hating James, to get Lily to stop thinking James is a prat, to get Lily to stop disliking James, to get Lily to stop avoiding James, to get James to snog that girl's friend so Padfoot may snog that girl, to – "

            "Padfoot."

            "Yeah?"

            "Is this WHOLE THING like that?"

            "Well, no . . . there's stuff like, to get Lily and James to name their children Sirius, Remus, and Peter – oh, and to make Padfoot godfather of all the little Potters – "

            "In other words, yes," sighed Remus.

            "Can't we just sign it?" whined Peter.

            "Well, if you want to, but – "

            Remus grabbed the paper from Sirius, scribbled "Moony" under where it said "Padfoot", and handed it to Peter, who signed it as well.

            "Now tell us your plan."

            Sirius grinned manically.

            Remus felt his heart sink.

            "We," began Sirius, "are."

            A dramatic pause.

            "Going."

            "To."

            "Sirius," said Remus, "just spit it out."

            "FINE.  We're going to make French fries."

            This was such a stupid proclamation, even for Sirius, that Remus thought he hadn't heard right.

            "Excuse me?"

            "WE ARE GOING TO MAKE FRENCH FRIES."

            Absolute.

            Silence.

            Then . . .

            "Please tell me you're kidding."

            "Why would I be kidding, Moony?"

            "Because that's not a plan, Padfoot, you idiot."

            "Yes it is."

            "No it's not."

            "Yes it is."

            "Just TRUST me on this one, Padfoot, it's NOT a plan."

            "But Moony – "

            "You thought it was brilliant.  I know."

            "Exactly, so – "

            "You're not normal, Padfoot.  What you think is brilliant is usually – well, not."

            Sirius looked crushed.

            "But – if we make French fries – Lily will DEFINITELY like James.  Don't you see, Moony?"

            A pause.

            "Well," Remus began, "actually – no, Padfoot.  I don't see how that works at all."

            "You don't?"

            "No."

            "Oh.  Moony?"

            "Yes?"

            "Why not?"

            "Because neither Lily NOR James has anything to do with French fries."

            "YES THEY DO!  See – "

            Remus held up a hand.

            "I don't think I want to know."

            "Oh."

            "Er, Padfoot?" said Peter.

            "What?" asked Sirius, in a slightly miffed tone of voice.  He was now sitting on the couch and had taken a defensive posture.

            "If that was the whole reason for reconvening Project the British are Coming, why are we still here?"

            "Hmmph," said Sirius, "it's not my fault you two are stupid and can't use logic properly."

            Remus coughed loudly.

            "With that in mind," said Remus, "I think the Project's off again."

            "No it's not," said Sirius.

            "Yes, it is," said Remus.

            "No, it's not," insisted Sirius.

            "And why not?" asked Remus.

            "Because you signed the contract."

            "And?"

            "At the bottom of the contract, it says 'all the undersigned are committed to actively stay in Project the British are Coming UNTIL a) Lily and James are happily together or b) Sirius has snogged that girl.'"

            Remus and Peter gaped at him.

            "So, basically for life?" asked Remus.

            "NO!" said Sirius, "I actually made significant progress with that girl yesterday.  I found out her name!"

            "Oh?  What is it, then?"

            "Her name is – uh.  Um.  Well.  I found it out.  I didn't say I remembered it."

            "Moving on."

            "No, I also asked if she wanted to go to Hogsmeade."

            "What did she say?"

            "She said no, she'd like to but she promised Lily to look at robes.  So I told her she could BRING Lily."

            "You know – Padfoot – if we could get James there with you three – " said Remus suddenly.

            "Lily'd kill him?  Or he'd kill me?"

            "No – if you and whatever her name is were snogging – "

            Sirius brightened up significantly at this thought.

            " – then James and Lily are left awkwardly staring at the two of you snogging – "

            Sirius sniggered.

            " – then they might be civil to each other!"

            Sirius's grin grew to the size of Australia.

            "Sirius – are you okay?" asked Peter.

            "Wha – oh, hi Peter.  What were you saying, Moony?  I was thinking about snogging that girl."

            "Right.  Peter, I'll invite James – he'll go if Lily goes – hopefully we can end our life-long sentence to serve in this godforsaken Project."

            Sirius looked from one to the other, confused.

            "What's wrong with Project the British are Coming?" asked Sirius.

            "Everything."

            Sirius sighed.

            "Saturday, then?"

            "Yeah," said Peter.

            "WAIT, guys!" said Sirius, "what do I have to do?"

            "Don't worry Sirius – you just have to snog that girl."

            "Oh, goodie.  I get the best job."

            "Uh – sure, Padfoot."


	10. Chapter Ten

Project the British Are Coming  
  
Mrs Prongs  
  
A/N: Do you know what an honour it is to write the FINAL CHAPTER of our second story? Well, I got to write the last one, too, but this is even better. Now that I think about it, Mrs Padfoot couldn't even BEGIN to write the final chapter of a story. That's why I, the wonderful Mrs Prongs, has done it, and hopefully successfully.  
  
  
  
----------  
  
The next morning at breakfast, Sirius sauntered up to James.  
  
"Jamesey?," he asked calmly.   
  
Absolute silence.  
  
"JAMESEY?," Padfoot said a little louder.  
  
James continued to eat his oatmeal.  
  
"PRONGS! I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T ANSWER ME!," Padfoot screamed into his ear, making James drop his spoon. But still, James said nothing.  
  
Sirius fell into the floor dramatically. "SEE!? I told you everyone hated me, Moony!"  
  
Remus rolled his eyes.  
  
"James?," Moony asked politely.  
  
"Yes?," James inquired, taking a sip from his goblet.  
  
"What Padfoot was trying to say is that he would like to make up what he's done to you and treat you to a Butterbeer this afternoon," Remus took a breath as he finished.  
  
James raised his eyebrow and looked back and forth between Sirius, who had made his way to his seat by now, and Remus. "Errr..Right," he said, and made a face at the two of them as if to say 'freaks'.  
  
  
  
Padfoot brightened, "So is that a yes?!"  
  
  
  
James looked skeptical, "Suuree, Sirius." Sirius jumped out of his seat.   
  
  
  
"JAMESEY LOVES ME AGAIN!," he exclaimed, earning stares from fellow housemates and other tables.  
  
  
  
"So are you back to normal, Prongs?," Padfoot asked, as he sat down for the umpteenth time that morning.  
  
"Of course. There was nothing wrong in the first place," James said and continued to eat.  
  
  
  
Sirius furrowed his brow, "But why did you ignore me earlier?"  
  
  
  
"I didn't hear you," Prongs stated simply. Remus snorted.  
  
  
  
Sirius smiled again. "Oh. Okay." And ate his toast.  
  
----------  
  
After breakfast, all of the Hogwarts students made their ways towards Hogsmeade for an afternoon of surprise and accusations. For the Marauders and all of the poor, innocent people at the Three Broomsticks, at least.  
  
As soon as Sirius, James, Peter and Remus arrived at the Three Broomsticks, Sirius and James took a table for themselves and Peter and Remus one of their own.  
  
"Well, James," Sirius started, "I kind of have to tell you something."  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
  
  
"I want you to meet someone."  
  
James looked at Padfoot. "That girl you've been wanting to snog all week?"  
  
Sirius gasped. "YES! How did you know?"  
  
"I'm not stupid, Padfoot," Prongs said as he rolled his eyes. "But I invited someone special, too," he said and smiled inwardly.  
  
"WHO?!," Sirius yelped. "A girl?! But if YOU invited someone, that means that you won't want to snog that girl's friend and then I won't get to snog that girl. Don't you understand, Prongs? YOU RUINED EVERYTHING."   
  
Sirius banged his head against the table.  
  
At that moment, two girls walked through the doors of the cafè and made their way toward James and Sirius's table.  
  
"Hi James," a familiar voice said.  
  
"Hey, Lily."  
  
Sirius looked up. "PRONGSEY!" He looked at Remus and Peter who we staring in with their mouths half open.  
  
"What?," James asked as he scooted over so Lily could sit next to him. The other girl, who was, as you guessed, the girl Sirius wanted to snog all week, sat next to Sirius unnoticed.  
  
"LILY HATES YOU," Sirius said accusingly.  
  
  
  
Lily sighed. "See, I knew this was going to happen. Sirius, well, remember the night in the hospital wing? Where you pissed James off -"  
  
"I did NOT piss him off!," Sirius exclaimed indignantly.  
  
James cut in. "Yes you did."  
  
"FINE."  
  
"Well, ANYWAY," Lily continued, "well, you know, he caught up with me, we talked about a few things, and we decided that we don't hate eachother that much afterall and well...," Lily looked adoringly at James. He smiled.  
  
Remus spoke. "But why didn't you tell us to begin with, Prongs?"  
  
James thought. "I don't know...maybe because I found the goals of 'Project the British Are Coming'?"  
  
"I told you to hide those, Padfoot," Remus glared.  
  
"BUT I HID THEM UNDER MY PILLOW. Who in the right mind would look under my pillow?"  
  
Remus scoffed, "You got that right."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"I was looking for something," James said.  
  
"Invasion-of-privacy. That's against the rules, you know," Padfoot said.  
  
His fellow Marauders stared at him. "WHAT?," he asked.  
  
Remus talked. "We're just surprised you know something having to do with rules."  
  
"Well, I'm not stupid, you know."  
  
James looked around, "Okayyy, anyways." Padfoot glared.  
  
"James and I really do like eachother," she said as she put her head on his shoulder. James gave her a kiss on her forehead.  
  
Now the ignored girl interjected. "Excuse me, but I don't think I need to be here. Sirius," she said, and looked at Sirius sternly, "obviously doesn't care. I'll talk to you later, Lils."   
  
"Bye Alex!," Lily waved and Alex joined her other friends across the room.  
  
"So THAT'S her name," Padfoot stated. Everyone else chuckled, ordered butterbeers and had a nice Hogsmeade afternoon.  
  
Author's Note: That was a REALLY bad ending, wasn't it? Yes, it was.   
  
When you review this chapter, which hopefully you will, Mrs Padfoot and I would like you to include what your favorite chapter was, and your favorite lines/paragraphs.  
  
Thank you so much for reading Project the British Are Coming.  
  
-Mrs Prongs and Mrs Padfoot. 


End file.
